THE HOLIDAY HANDLE #2 Hallmark Movies + Loneliness
Do you watch the Hallmark Christmas movies?
I’m not exactly proud to admit that I watched two Hallmark Christmas movies Saturday night. I woke up with a migraine that morning and threw up a few times before having to cancel brunch plans, which was a huge bummer because I never have brunch plans.
So back to Hallmark… these movies celebrate the entire season of Christmas. The Christmas music, snow, decorations, trees, more decorations (You can never have enough according to these movies), yule logs, cookies, slow dancing… the list goes on and on. Sometimes they can be a bit cheesy, but isn’t that also what we adore about them? The inner warmth of knowing there will be a happy ending.
I caught myself mesmerized by two of these movies last night. I was completely drawn into the story of how a cellist ended up with a photographer, especially after each one went to declare their love interest in the other just to find their interest in a compromising situation with another person!
I was also intrigued to find out how a stranger hired as a live-in nanny (without any background check) turned down a job in London because she wanted to try a new relationship with her boss, the handsome dad of three children.
Guess what else I caught other than this mesmeration (yup, not a word)? Feelings of loneliness.
In the media, Christmas is portrayed as a very romantic holiday, almost as much as Valentine’s Day. People meet at the tree farm, go ice skating, and fall in love. Couples who have been together for a while rekindle their love for one another under the snowy skies. Personally, I live in Southern California and I’m always sweating on Thanksgiving and Christmas as I try to wear the latest fall fashions.
As someone without a significant other and having been without a significant other for quite some time, I’m not immune to this pressure.
Tip #1: Realize that only you can put that pressure on yourself.
You are the keeper of your emotions. Yes, sometimes they sneak up on you. Luckily, you can work with them to get yourself in a more positive or accepting energetic state. While other people can have expectations for you, only you can decide what your expectations are for yourself.
I often turn to writing in my journal. I let myself write in a stream of consciousness to get out the busyness in my head. Then, I start to write about and manifest what it is that I do want.
A few questions you can ask yourself:
1. What type of connection am I looking for? Emotional? Romantic?
2. What type of characteristics does this person have?
3. How does this person make me feel?
Being able to identify and visualize what it is that you want makes it easier to make it a reality. When we see what we want clearly laid out, it’s easier to let go of the past-- it often does not align with what we want our future to look like.
Tip #2: Remember that feelings will pass.
Sometimes we reach out to people in a time of loneliness that we otherwise wouldn’t have. We search to make the emotion go away instead of letting it pass. Take a moment and truly feel into the emotion. Identify and recognize what it is that you’re feeling rather than attempting to stuff it down or cover it up. Until you accept the emotion you’re having, it’ll stay right where it is, waiting for you to deal with it.
Tip #3: Do things that you enjoy.
Sunday morning, I woke up feeling a tiny bit better, but not 100% (both emotionally and physically). Instead of staying in bed, which sounded like an amazing Sunday in my opinion, I got myself up and moving- truly only because I knew it would make me feel better.
I booked a yoga class and actually attended it (sometimes I decide I really don’t want to go and cancel). I went for a jog/walk (2-mile jog, then walked home). While I wasn’t dying for a run, I knew that being outside would brighten my spirit. My dog can’t walk much more than a block anymore, so I have to make a lot more of an effort to get out there.
Physical exercise isn’t the answer for everyone, but even a short walk outside really can help. It can also be journaling, watching your favorite show or movie (you better believe I watched a lot of Schitt’s Creek yesterday), cooking, baking, coloring, reading, calling up a friend, FaceTiming a family member… You can use anything that helps you feel soothed and brings a smile to your face.
Be kind to yourself this holiday season! I wrote a quick post on Instagram about how we often do for others without doing anything for ourselves. What are you going to do for yourself today?
You can check out the Holiday Handle #1 on BOUNDARIES here.
Our next Holiday Handle will be coming out next week! In the meantime, are there are tips or questions you are specifically seeking out this holiday season? E-mail me by clicking on the envelope button at the top right of the page, or click here!