THE HOLIDAY HANDLE #1
The Holiday Handle
(Get a handle on the holidays)
The Holiday Handle is here to give you tips & tricks to make your OWN CHOICES this holiday season. You deserve to have a holiday season that doesn’t make you want to hibernate for 30 days straight.
TOPIC #1: BOUNDARIES
The holiday season can be a change of routine for a lot of us. Maybe you:
Increase time with family
Travel to your childhood city/town/home
See old friends
Spend time with estranged family members
These may bring up:
Guilt, shame, embarrassment about events in the past
Regret
Complicated and conflicting feelings
Regression to childhood roles
Sometimes we feel like we have no choice but to participate in antiquated traditions. [Ex. “We always go to my grandparent’s house for Christmas and spend the night on Christmas Eve. It’s tradition.”] Tradition can be wonderful when you are choosing to be engaged in it.
While some look forward to their family’s traditions and gatherings, others of us are become filled with stress and anxiety.
Do you match one or more of the below criteria?
As time has passed, you no longer enjoy staying overnight away from home.
You notice that when you’re around your family you have a difficult time finding space to engage in your morning routine or self-care activities (meditation, yoga, journaling, reading, working out).
You have friends or a significant other that you would like to spend time with or make a new tradition.
You notice that you fall into specific roles when around your family (the caretaker, the one being taken care of, the responsible one, the peacemaker, the scapegoat, the nurturer)
There is active addiction in your family
You find yourself attending gatherings in order to appease others
You find yourself thinking, “Let’s get this over with.”
If any of these resonate with you, keep reading!
TIP #1: You have every right to set boundaries for yourself around what is best for you and your well-being. Yes, you and your emotional/mental health are THAT important.
It can feel inappropriate, or almost an abomination, to question your family’s traditions. Even thinking of modifying your involvement in a family event can stir up feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, or dread.
When you haven’t practiced it, it can be dreadful to give yourself permission to set boundaries and put yourself first.
Remember that you are allowed, and it is even encouraged, for you to set boundaries for yourself. You deserve to decide what is best for you and your well-being.
TIP #2: You do not have to put yourself in any situation that causes you to feel less than or question your sense of self.
You do not have to follow traditions or engage in activities that cause you to feel anxious or fearful for what may transpire: specific interactions, people’s reaction.
You are not obliged to do what other people want or expect you to do- especially when it compromises who you are or who you want to be.
If any of this resonates with you, grab your journal or a piece of paper and answer the following questions:
1. What do I dread about this situation?
2. How do I feel when I am in the situation?
3. If I could change ANYTHING about this situation, what would it be?
4. If I were to take care of myself in this situation, what would that look like?
5. Am I ready to set any boundaries?
Sometimes you are not ready to set a boundary. That’s OK! It all has to be on your time.
Tip #3: THE ART OF COMPROMISE
Compromise is a beautiful way of getting your needs met while continuing to engage.
If you are not quite ready to set a boundary, is there any room for compromise?
Can you bring a supportive friend?
Can you cut down the amount of time spent with a specific person?
Can you cut down the amount of time spent at a specific event?
The possibilities can be endless!
The goal of all of this is to realize that you have full power and control over your decisions! Instead of saying “I have to go to this get-together” you can say “I am choosing to go to this get-together.” The simple reframe helps you GAIN your control back over the situation!
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